This is my blog that I kept during Katrina...\r\n\r\nSaturday, August 27, 2005\r\n\r\nWind and Water\r\n\r\n So there\'s a hurricane, Katrina. She grazed Florida yesterday. Now she\'s moving along, ready to pay Louisiana a visit. I woke up this morning to find the track had changed, and now the almighty weather men keep drawing a line over New Orleans and through Lake Ponchartrain. For those of you who have no clue of my whereabouts in relation to anything, there\'s New Orleans, a big lake above it, then me. That\'s Slidell. \r\n So while I\'m not worried about the fact that a hurricane might be coming (I\'m used to this) this is a pretty big one. Looks like I\'ll be helping 2 families this year: my parents, and Courtney and Heather (we make up our own family unit). And many, many cats. Because neither Courtney nor Heather like their blood family too much, they\'ve been adopted into mine. I love how that works, I really do. I think Heather is more worried because the house they\'re living in? She bought it last February. No more rent for this girl, oh no. Now she has a house note. Which makes the thought of a big, destructive force of nature have a different meaning. \r\n\r\nThursday, September 1, 2005\r\nHurricane Refugee\r\n\r\n Ok people, I\'m alive. Courtney is alive, Heather is alive. My parents are good. I\'m guessing that my brother is ok, but I have no way of knowing. If he\'s still in Plaquemines parish, that\'s bad news cuz it\'s completely underwater. He was supposed to catch a transport for special needs kids out to Alexandria, but we can\'t contact anyone to confirm his arrival. \r\n Left Sunday and headed toward Shreveport. Got a room in Minden. Stayed there for 3 days, left Wednesday. Drove 14 hours to Atlanta, Courtney and I got a room while Heather and the boys kept going to Orlando. In Jacksonville tonight, at my grandparents\' house (where my parents are staying) and headed to West Palm Beach to Courtney\'s brother to stay for...I don\'t know how long. Not sure when we can return home. Not sure what we\'ll find when we get there. All I see are reports of New Orleans, looters shooting the rescue workers, bodies floating through the city, people dying on their roofs or in their attics. I\'ve heard that 90 percent of my city, Slidell, is flooded or destroyed. My school, UNO is probably gone. So long graduation in December. Not sure what of my life is left. Trying to figure out how to rebuild something. \r\n Inventory of what I have: 1 pair of jeans, 4 shirts, 1 pair boots, 1 pair sandals, 4 pair underwear, 1 pair socks, toothbrush, school books (that I don\'t need anymore) Courtney, Courtney\'s car and a cat. I didn\'t think it would be like this. I would have grabbed more. I\'m starting to freak out because all at once, everything is changed. Everything I was doing is gone. Gotta find a job in FL, gotta get more clothes so I can get a job. Gotta sleep cuz in 5 hours I\'m getting back on the road. \r\n Oh yeah, today is my and Courtney\'s 6 year anniversary. Whoo. Glad I still have her.\r\n\r\nFriday, September 2, 2005\r\nOh hell no\r\n\r\n Do you see this? Are you watching the news? It\'s all I watch. And I keep seeing people in my city, my town, they\'re dying. And they shouldn\'t be. I heard from a friend in Lafayette that her friend went to Slidell to look at her house and found bodies floating in it. People are dying. People didn\'t leave and they got trapped. And those people in New Orleans, the ones in the Superdome and the Convention Center, they shouldn\'t have been there in the first place. If the damn buses could show up after the hurricane, then there should have been some plan to get the buses there before the hurricane to get the people out that had no other way. New Orleans busted its a** making a hurricane plan, and a contraflow plan for people with cars, sure, but the people that were left, I guess they\'re expendable. Every plan has a hole in it, right? No plan can be perfect but we SHOULD be asking for something more perfect than we saw there. This is bulls**t. We have the technology to drop smart bombs, but not packs of food and water to people? AND, I swear to God I just saw this on MSNBC...all the old and sick were lined up in a macabre procession in the convention center because helicopters were supposed to come and fetch them. They were ALL sent back, ALL of them because, get this \"helicopters can\'t fly at night.\" SINCE F***ING WHEN?!?!? \r\n This is bulls**t, and we all know it. My city, my love and my people are falling apart and falling away and it\'s being allowed. And before I hear that these aren\'t my people, that I belong to a different race and a different socio-economic class than the people that are being s**t on and abandoned, I know that already. I know that I am priviliged and lucky to have been able to leave the state ahead of the storm. But anyone from my part knows that there is a kindred thing happening. If you are out of town, and you meet ANYONE from Louisiana, from New Orleans, you share that secret smile because you both know you grew up a certain way and you understand each other. It has nothing, not one f***ing thing to do with race or money or neighborhood or anything else. I am looking at what the news shows me and I cry because there is no reason that it couldn\'t be me. I\'m watching my city get lost and left behind, and the people in it are dying.\r\n\r\nTuesday, September 6, 2005\r\nWhy the coffee wasn\'t good\r\n\r\n I\'m doing alright, really. Courtney and I alternate the freak outs and the crying jags. A couple hours after I comfort her, she comforts me. It works out nicely. \r\n Went to Red Cross today and was given a credit card to buy food and clothing. Wow. I just didn\'t...I didn\'t think it would be that easy. And I didn\'t expect help. And I didn\'t expect people to be so nice. My faith in humanity is through the roof, but what little faith I had in government is dashed (it\'s okay, I didn\'t have much to begin with). \r\n Sometimes I feel really guilty, because I was able to evacuate, because Courtney and I get to stay in a house in West Palm Beach for free. Because many, many people aren\'t as fortunate. But I don\'t think anyone else would begrudge us what we have or where we get to stay. I don\'t think staying in a nice house lessens the worry about your home one bit. \r\n We stopped watching the news. We just talk to people who have returned home, and then left again. We get online for reports from the parish president, from the local police. Screw the news.\r\n The other day, Courtney and I went to a coffee shop. For a split second it felt so normal...just us, together, sitting with a cup of overpriced coffee. And then that feeling flew away because our money was quickly going away, and where we were sitting was so bright and pretty and clean and frankly, we like our dirty city. I think it\'s easier to relax in a dirty city...you don\'t have to worry about making it worse. We miss the smell of brine that the right wind can bring, and the smell of history and legends that comes over you as you walk through New Orleans. \r\n Slidell has its own history. It has my history. There\'s something about moving through a town and seeing your first school, the house you grew up in, the corner where you had your first kiss...the thought of that being erased, being gone causes a feeling that is akin to panic, but darker and deeper than even that. It is a mourning, a grieving that consumes and blots out anything pretty that\'s right in front of you. That\'s why we couldn\'t enjoy the damn coffee in the very bright and clean patio of a Florida coffeehouse. \r\n\r\nFriday, September 16, 2005\r\nHome\r\n\r\n I\'m going home! The house is in livable condition, the power is on and the boil order was lifted, so we can drink the water there. I\'m leaving Florida in about 4 hours and driving through the night towards my city. There\'s a strict curfew in Slidell. Anyone out between 9pm and 7am can be put under arrest. So we\'re planning to land home around 7:30 in the morning. Driving at night seems like a good way to avoid traffic, especially when we approach Biloxi where there was a lot of road damage and many spots on the interstate are one lane in each direction. \r\n I\'m not sure how it will be once I get there. I\'ve heard that it\'s pretty weird. I\'m gonna try and find the rest of my friends. And if that doesn\'t work, I\'ll pay close attention when the city posts a list of the dead. Until then, I want to be home, find work wherever I can and help rebuild. And one day, soon even, I\'ll leave Louisiana again, but it will be on MY terms, when I decide. Not because of a storm. Not because it was my only choice. But because it is time for me to leave. And I\'ll make sure I have something to come home to.\r\n\r\nMonday, September 19, 2005\r\nAt home\r\n\r\n So I left Florida Friday evening around 8:30, drove all night and rolled into Slidell at 9:30 the next morning. It\'s bizarre here. The house is okay, some shingles gone, the fence is down, siding off, part of the roof on the shed got taken away so the stuff inside got ruined with rain...but everything is good. The neighbor across the street stayed and took pictures. He showed us how far the water came; it was very close to the house. Apparently the storm surge got into the drainage system, so lake water was pouring out of the gutters and into the street. Water came to the edge of our house. And stopped. Other people weren\'t so lucky. Up and down the blocks in our neighborhood you can see piles of carpet on the street, chunks of sheetrock, as people gut their houses. \r\n I haven\'t been to my old street yet. I used to live on the water, in south Slidell\'s lakefront. I\'ve heard that my old 2-story triplex is now nothing more than the foundation and the first story tile floor. Good thing we moved a year and a half ago. I saw a picture of another apartment I lived in on the same street as the triplex...it\'s a 10 foot pile of twigs with a refrigerator on top. Creepy.\r\n Power is on at the house, water is good, we even have cable and internet (which is astonishing to me). So we\'re extremely comfortable, which seems unfair but hey. We\'re letting people sleep here starting tonight and offering showers to people who have a place to sleep but no water. \r\n We started cleaning the fridge Saturday night. We were stupid and in a hurry when we evacuated and didn\'t clean out the fridge beforehand. Food that sat in there for over 2 weeks with no power...that\'s a nasty sight (not to mention the ungodly smell). So it\'s a process. Hoping that chore will be done by tonight. I keep doing it in spurts, because if I deal with it too long I throw up. \r\n Looking for work tomorrow...hoping I can find something. Gotta start making car payments. Courtney went back to the pharmacy today, will prob be working 12 hour shifts for a while. Currently living off of the money that Red Cross gave me. But things are going well. It\'s nice to be home, even though it\'s massively weird to drive around town and see National Guard guys with rifles standing around.\r\n\r\nWednesday, September 28, 2005\r\nAn untitled poem\r\n\r\nThe storm came\r\nwith a name\r\nand a premonition\r\nbut we didn\'t listen, right away\r\ncat 4, cat 5\r\nKat--rina\r\n\r\nAnd we ran so hard and fast\r\nthat our gas tanks, if not our lungs\r\nwere gasping\r\n\r\nAnd at every stop I looked around\r\nand recited my list of belongings--\r\na mantra that offered no comfort:\r\n1 pair of jeans, 4 shirts, 2 socks,\r\ngirlfriend, car,\r\nand one very old cat we refused\r\nto leave behind\r\n\r\nAnd when we stopped for 3 days\r\nand flipped on the news\r\nI sat there with my soul coming undone\r\nas I watched my city fall apart,\r\nand I watched my people die\r\n\r\nNow you look at me and see\r\na white girl bearing no resemblence\r\nto who you see on tv\r\nwaiting, trying and dying\r\nfor the government to end its vacation\r\nto bring help and salvation\r\nbut we are the same, these people\r\nand me\r\n\r\nIn my state there is a kinship.\r\nIf you\'re on the road and meet someone\r\nfrom home\r\nyou hug like old friends\r\nlike family\r\nbecause you share this dark secret \r\nin your blood.\r\nIt flows like water, smells like salt\r\nand clangs like The Rebirth Brass Band\r\nupon recognition.\r\n\r\nThere is no reason\r\nthat I\'m not waiting on a rooftop.\r\nThere is no reason\r\nI\'m not wading through the water\r\nI called home.\r\nAnd really, there\'s no reason at all,\r\nthough I keep searching for it.\r\n\r\nAnd songs keep spiraling\r\nthrough my brain\r\ntaunting me with repetition\r\nand baiting me with their hooks...\r\nThe Pretenders echo, with the lyrics changed:\r\n\r\nI went back to New Orleans\r\nand my city was gone.